My New Year Declarations

My 2015 Resolutions Declarations 

I’ve never been the New Year Resolutions type of gal, because I hated their perception of being made to be broken. So I’m not considering these resolutions, but instead declarations for 2015. 

This isn’t a page to write goals so they can be read and remain unaccomplished, this is a page to write of the change that will come this year and the years to follow. It is time to make some changes… and making a change, is a change alone for me. So let’s get this started. 

1. Eyes on Me

When decision making, make the first thought be “Who am I doing this for?”. Then if the answer is for anyone other then myself, I must then ask, “Does it make me happy doing this?”. Now this isn’t meant to sound like it’s coming from a selfish mentality. Because that isn’t the purpose at all, but it is extremely important that I start listening to myself. When I start putting myself at the same level of importance as I put loved ones or even strangers, then will I start to become a happier person. 

2. Really Reaching 

Occasionally, I let my circumstances take over my emotions which surfaces through how I treat people. I’m rarely out right mean, but I definitely become much less affectionate. Now this doesn’t mean I want to become more touchy-feely, though I would like to hug more. But this does mean that I want to learn how to reach out to people even if I’m in need of someone reaching out to me. The tricky thing is, I have been doing this all along but the wrong way. I have successfully learned how to push down my feelings so that I can help others. But is that really helping them? Are pushing my feelings aside and morphing into a well-put-together counselor actually helping them? Temporarily, maybe. But how much more could I help them if I could get the guts to say, “Do you know what, that does suck. And honestly nothing I say is going to make it better. How do I know that? Because I struggle with the same thing (or something completely different). And I don’t have all the answers, but I do care and I am hearing you”. Through my own experience, I have found how therapeutic it is to watch someone become transparent for your sake. It takes a strong person to share deep struggles with the intention for connecting instead of help… and that’s an important quality I hope to develop. 

3. Be Vulnerable  

This goal stems from the last one, but it was so important to me that I felt it deserved its own number. For me, it’s way easier to hold up a front then to let my walls down. I’m sure many feel the same way, but let me tell you… if feels so good when you can slowly, but surely lower the walls and allow someone trustworthy in. Vulnerability is hard because you can’t just be vulnerable with anyone. You must have a strong level of trust with someone before revealing yourself, if you will, which is a sad thing, but that’s how it is. At 18, I finally know who are my people are. I have two women in my life who I know don’t judge me. I know though we aren’t related, they love me as if we were. So my goal is to continue and strengthen my vulnerability. This is something I’m very new at, but the results of being real with people are truly indescribable and I plan on continuing this. 

4. Time Isn’t Meant to be Filled 

My hyperactive-go-getter personally is a blessing and a curse! I’m thankful for my determined way of thinking but I must make it a priority to not only slow down, but to calm down with the agendas. I worked so hard to create an easy Senior year for myself, just to fill it up with more things to do. So for the remaining part of the year (and the rest of my life), I’m going to work on planning my free time. I know, I know, it sounds crazy, right? But i betcha it’s going to work, because once it’s on my schedule, I’ll want to complete it. I’m going to start writing in my cute and underused planner things like, “Read a Book”, “Coffee Please”, and “Be Spontaneous Rachel!”. I know I need more time for myself, so this will allow me to do that without feeling guilty because I’m not doing something more productive like cleaning out my car or working on English essays. 

5. Unconditionally

Unconditionally what? Well I couldn’t narrow it down. I want to unconditionally give. Unconditionally listen. Unconditionally care. Unconditionally hope. Unconditionally live fearlessly. Unconditionally stay true to no one other than myself. And most importantly, unconditionally love. Because when it comes down to it, what’s more important than unconditionally loving?